The closer Baby's due date inches, the more excited I get, and the more apprehensive. I keep wondering how much having a baby is really going to change our lives. The logical side of my brain knows our lives will be flipped upside down and will never be the same again, but because I have nothing to compare this to, no context to put this event in, the emotional side of my brain thinks perhaps our lives won't change that much and maybe having a baby will be easy peasy and I'll be like one of those cute mommies in all the baby magazines - pushing my baby around town in my expensive stroller (that I don't own) and in my designer post baby clothes (that I won't be able to squeeze my tush into).
I'm also worried about how the dynamic of our day-to-day life and relationship is going to change. For the most part, I like how things are between Dave and I are right now. We have our chunk of free time together during the week, we each have time to do our own things and hang out with our own friends as well, most meals are eaten on the couch (gasp!), we cook when we feel like it and for the most part we just play things by ear. There is no playing things by ear when you have a baby, especially when you're nursing a baby. I also don't want to raise my child to think eating take out on the couch is the norm - I guess it's time to brush up on my cooking skills. I'm scared of losing a bit of myself as a person and an individual when this baby comes, it's not like this magic wand will be waved and I'm suddenly a "mom" instead of who I always was when baby is born, but I'm a little bit afraid that is what it's going to feel like. At the same time Dave and I know we're going to grow so tremendously as people, adults and parents when Baby joins our family, it will be worth the parts of our individuality we have to sacrifice. Also, while we really enjoy our easy going life, we aren't really doing a whole lot, there aren't spontaneous weekend trips, we don't go out and party anymore, most of the time our weekends are filled with errands and and evening of Netflix, I think the baby is actually going to make our lives more rich and we'll find ourselves doing more things and more worthwhile things with our free time.
I guess this post sounds a little negative, which is not at all how I feel about Baby joining our lives. I could not be more excited and I get all teary when I think about snuggling that little guy or gal for the first time and how amazing it's going to be that Dave and I made a person! It's just that the closer D-day gets, the more I realize how big and permanent this is! I keep trying to wrap my head around what being a parent is going to be like, and I keep running into the realization that I won't be able to fully comprehend this until I'm knee deep in it (which doesn't bode well for my type-A personality that needs to plan just about everything). This is going to be our biggest adventure yet :)
In other news, this weekend Michigan decided it was fall (hip-hip-hooray!). I love this time of year because of the colors on the trees, all the yummy fall foods it's been far too hot for, the sweaters, the good "fall" smell in the air. This is also the time of year Dave and I met, every fall I get all sappy and reminiscent about those early days. :)
To celebrate the turn of the season, Dave and I took a stroll through the park. It was actually far too cold to be out in just sweaters, good thing I have a built in space heater right now!
Oh hello, Autumn. We were wondering when you'd be joining us.
True story - everyone looks better in Sepia
Marley lookin' all scraggly in his sweater. He got a haircut the very next day, phew!
It's getting kind of chilly for you, tiny little Snapdragon!
This is pretty much the only tree in the park that had changed this fully, but it was so beautiful I couldn't stop taking pictures. :)
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